I went to visit my Mom the other day as I do frequently. I’ve come to know many of the people that work in her building and noticed one of them outside working on the gardens. It’s spring and the flower beds had been suffering from the effects of winter. I noticed how much work she had been doing and I told her, “Great job. It looks great.” Her response was interesting. She said that, “it needs a lot of work.” That wasn’t exactly the response I was expecting.
What I saw as a great positive change, she saw as an effort not good enough. This made me start to think about why we had different reactions. She had a lot more invested into the project than I did. She also was likely the one who would have to do the work so she may have been lamenting how much work was left.
This may sound a little bit like the standard half full / half empty argument. But, there may be a greater truth here. I think she was looking at the garden as something that would be complete, when in fact, work on a garden is never done, is it? It always needs more attention, care, planning, and more upgrading.
Your Garden
Isn’t that exactly like our personal and professional lives. It’s never complete. It’s ever evolving. We always need to tend our “gardens” don’t we. Sometimes we’re getting rid of that weed that’s invaded somehow. Other times, we’re enjoying the blossoms.
The learning point here is that it, our personal and professional lives, are never done. We can’t wait for them to be perfect. We need to enjoy the improvements we’ve made. And, we need to celebrate that our “garden” will continue to evolve.
That change in perspective is a powerful one, especially when it’s springtime as it is now. It’s a time full of possibility. A time to celebrate the flowers.
I was struck the other day by how often people are quite content to stay exactly the same. We are comforted by the thought and feeling that today will be the same as yesterday and we hope that tomorrow will be more of the same. We’re not interested in something new. We’re quite happy having the same kinds of challenges as work, the same routine in the evening, the same kind of weekend.
Biological equilibrium in humans called homeostasis is important since we want to have steady levels of all sorts of things – blood pressure, blood sugar, etc. And, so it seems reasonable that we would want to have steady levels of experience to keep things “level”. And, I believe that many many people work with that mentality as their mantra.
But, I would argue that a “steady state” is great for periods of reflection or rejuvenation but not great for us as humans in the long-term. For example, we know that stress is a two-headed beast. If we have too much stress it hurts us. But, the lesser known evil is that if we have too little stress it can also be as damaging. We need a certain amount of stress in our lives to be able to function property, to be motivated to move forward, and to strengthen us. Just like the tree that experiences the forces of the wind on its branches grows to be a stronger and more powerful tree, so do we.
This even shows up in our brains. Research shows that being challenged mentally is important for us to keep our brains healthy. Patients of Alzheimer’s or other dementia are encouraged to do puzzles and brain exercises. The reason, is just that, it exercises the brain which it has been shown will slow the progression of the diseases.
Not having a the right amount of challenge and change can show up in a different ways for different people. You might get a little depressed. You might become disinterested in things. You might become less social. Whatever it is for you, it will be true that when things get a little too comfortable, there will likely be some pain involved.
Good luck on your journey. Hopefully you’ll enjoy a little pain from time to time.
We went and saw the Harlem Globetrotters with close friends recently. Wow! What a great show.
I had seen them once as a kid, one of the major outings that I had as a child. There were lots of fun then and they still are now. They are good family fun and absolutely are rated F for family.
In fact, when I started to think about them, I realized what an amazing brand they are. They have endured a very long time with an untarnished, accessible and totally successful brand. And, what I realized while being at the game, or maybe event is a better word, is that they weren’t just putting on a show for today. They were building an audience for tomorrow. They were creating a legion of marketing representatives by doing what they do so very well.
Here’s what I really liked. They were accessible in so many different ways. Their humour was easy on everyone. But, more importantly, they priced their event (seats from $20 to $180 ) so that eveyone could attend. And, of course, they had many kids there who were sponsored by groups.
But, they left one of the most lasting impressions for last. After the show was done, they invited people to come down and meet the players and get their autographs. But, they also had merchandise available. Specifically, the item that was being sold in astounding numbers were Harlem Globetrotter basketballs. At first, my friends and I were hesitant to even think of getting one. We thought they must be quite expensive as they were branded and were really nice balls. But, we found out that they were only $25. Amazing! Why amazing? Because, they were offering a great product for a reasonable cost (basically you couldn’t get something of the same quality for any less even without the branding). Also, they had priced it so that most families could afford a ball for their kids. They were offering something that was actually going to support exercise and play amongst the kids. And, finally, the most brilliant part is how they were creating a viral brand. Today, we talk about viral brands being on the internet, maybe a video or something like that. Not in this case, they have balls going to hundreds of homes after each show. What a brilliant way to create a following, not just now but for years and decades to come.
And, the image that will stay with me for a long time was the faces of the people in the Starbucks just outside the auditorium whose jaws were dropping and who were smiling from ear to ear as they saw all these kids walking down the sidewalk bouncing red, white and blue balls. Now, that’s a brand!
Okay, apart from sharing some personal stuff, what’s so exciting about needing a BBQ? Well, I do love to BBQ and I was really excited to get a new BBQ since the old one was on its last legs. But, the really interesting thing I learned was in the shopping process.
You see the process of shopping for a BBQ could have been a really painful process. For some people, they just go into one store, look around and then pick a BBQ. For me, it’s not so simple. I want to get the perfect BBQ for me. If I were to just go into a store, I’d get overwhelmed and probably a little lost.
In this case, I can say that the experience was a good one and here is why…… I knew what I wanted. I took inventory of what was important to me, did some research as to what were the reasonable options and then when I went shopping, I knew what to look for, I’d narrowed down my search and I had a great deal more focus. Does this sound like something that applies to only BBQ’s? No! Of course not. This is the recipe for creating a powerful business, a powerful life, a powerful organization, even a powerful family.
Knowing yourself is a wonderful tool in being content, being more successful and in general, being your best.
It’s exciting and in this case, it means that I have the right tool for the job… yum. Here’s to a successful BBQ season (which is basically year round for us). And, here’s to a successful season for all of your endeavours too.
You can take the title of this post however you like. It has many great meanings. But, to flesh out what I’m thinking let me tell you about something that happened to me this morning.
We all suffer from both can and can’t mindsets. And, they can both show up in interesting ways. I was on the phone with a lady setting up an appointment. She asked about my availability for next week. And, trying to be helpful I started telling her when I was not available so that she could schedule me in sometime around that time. When you think about this you can see the problems. First, she’s now focussed on connecting with me on the days that I have the least availability because those are the days that I hear. And, I am now at her mercy in terms of when she schedules the appointment.
I could her the hesitation in her voice and then realized what I had done. So, I quickly changed things around and said, “Actually, I can make it sometime Monday in the morning.” What happened was that I told her what I could do. She could more easily work with that and I was again in the drivers seat of my schedule.
Most people understand that approaching this from “can” will get us farther often that from “can’t”. But, everyone, including me, needs to be reminded from time to time.
I saw an interesting title in the last couple of days. In fact, it’s for a new tv show called, “Who Do You Think You Are?”. I believe that the show is about celebrity geneology. Interesting. We’ll see if it does well.
For me what was interesting was not that there’s a new show coming out but the title itself. Normally, we think of it as being an imperative question we might ask a child who is misbehaving…. Who do you think you are Johnny?
Who Do You Think You Are?
But, for me, it conjured up a more introspective exploring question. Who do I think I am? As many of you know, that is something that I think is an important question for everyone to ask. Who am I? When I take inventory what things do I list off?
To perform and succeed, one needs to ask a few questions:
Who am I?
Where do I want to be going?
Do I believe that I can get there?
Paraphrasing some work that two Harvard psychologists did, these are also the things that determine if you’re happy or not. Generally happy people know who they are, know where they want to go and believe that they are on the path to do just that.
So, have you asked yourself…. Who do I think I am?
As mentioned in a previous blog, my family and I just came back from an amazing skiing vacation where my 3 kids learned to ski for the very first time. Watching them grow up is like a Masters degree in understanding more about people, how we perform, lead, learn, and just generally provides a lot of insight into high performing individuals.
Each of my kids evolved quite differently over the week although they each transformed into a much better skier.
The Tortoise, The Hare & The Flower?
One son was like the proverfial Hare, who had a lot of natural talent who took to skiing immediately and with an almost eery ability. His growth slowed though after the initial leap forward.
Another son was more like the Tortoise. He didn’t have the natural talent or an innate understanding of it. He needed to concentrate on the skill and worked each moment to get better… and did, each day.
And, finally, our other son was really more of a flower… a late bloomer in fact. He participated. He went through the process with no real discernable, or certainly not rapid, growth. But, at the end, when put to a challenge on the finally day of “The Big Hill”, he rose to the occassion. He showed that he had picked up skills along the way and was doing remarkably well for his age and where he started.
So, the moral of the story… well, we don’t generally compare our kids but there is an illustrative lesson here. All three kids started with nothing. And, all three progressed to make their parents proud. But, they did it in their own way and on their own terms. And, this leads to something that everyone can learn. Not just that people have different learning styles, or that there are many ways to win one’s own race. Something that I believe is more important. You need to know and understand your own learning style. Are you a Hare, a Tortoise or a Flower, or perhaps something else… Aardvark? And, that you may have a different learning style for different things.
Knowing this about yourself will allow you to excel and to explore your boundaries more personally and more professionally. And, with this new take on an old story, we can now celebrate all the participants in the race.
My family and I just finished a week’s vacation skiing which included amazing weather, lots of fun with friends, pretty good snow conditions for March and lessons for the kids. In fact, this was the first time that any of our kids had been on skis and they had a truly amazing experience with really good instructors.
Snow School... sometimes upright, sometimes not
The days would go something like this. Get up. Have breakfast. Go to the ski hill. Get equipment. Kids take lesson. Parents go skiing. Lessons finish. Lunch is had. Parents take kids skiing in the afternoon. Go to the resort. Relax. Have dinner. Hang out. Sleep. Repeat. Sounds like a pretty great recipe for a day.
One day, I was taking one of my kids skiing and he became really really upset. He couldn’t control his crying and was becoming beside himself. While trying to console him, I discovered that what made him so upset was that he was falling. In fact, in his mind, that’s basically all that he was doing. Being a bit of a perfectionist in that he always wants to do everything really well or he sees it as a failure, falling was the ultimate embarrassment.
So, trying to reframe how he was thinking, I tried to reinforce a belief that my wife and I have which is that skiing is all about falling down. If you are not pushing or exploring your limits, your likely always safely standing. I tried to explain that we were proud of him trying new things and that his falling meant that he was learning and becoming a better skier.
I’m not sure truly how much of that message he got. Probably doesn’t matter as he will learn it over time. What’s important though is that it is a very useful truth.
In fact, over the next couple of days, I reflected that I had not fallen once during the holiday. And, my skiing was the best that it likely had ever been. I couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps I need to explore my limits a little more. Well, I continued to push myself — exploring my limits — and yes, going down a steep run right underneath a chair lift in full view of everyone, I fell. It wasn’t a spectacular crash but it did signify that I had left my comfort zone.
I left that week of skiing very content knowing that I did at least fall once. And, I look forward to seeing how I’m falling in other areas as well. How about you? Are You Falling enough?
Right now, I’m in Qatar in the Middle East. This is my second time visiting the country for work and again, I am struck with one thought. People are people.
My colleagues and I are working with executives for a large company here, and what is interesting is that the executives suffer from the same challenges that people experience in Canada or the US or Europe or Africa or the Caribbean… okay you get the point.
This is a fundamental truth that I believe in and every time it is reinforced for me, I wonder how much better we all would be if we could just remember that truth all the time. Whether that other person is someone across the globe, or across the table. Whether they are you client or your spouse. Your friends or your potential friends. This ideas helps to bind us together as one or to put it into one word…
When someone is talking about good fortune, do you think about it as being big or small? No. Good fortune does not come in a size. In fact, it can’t be “Super-Sized”. It’s just Good Fortune.
Those who are the most fortunate actually search it out. And, they are looking for it anywhere and everywhere. In the small cracks and large crevasses of their life, they are looking for it wherever they can. This is an important truth. Those who are the most determined to search out good fortune will also be the ones who find it the most, in whatever format they find it in.
It’s a refreshing thought that good fortune doesn’t come in a particular size, colour, type, look, etc. It is just what it is… Good Fortune.
Was listening to the radio today and heard an interesting program on why we need repetition in our lives. Much of the program revolved around stories which made a lot of sense to me. As I’ve said in the past, I think that we are a sum of our stories. And, the stories that we tell are those that we choose to define ourselves by. Aristotle said it better when he said that we are “that which we choose to consistently repeat”… or something along those lines. It’s true. If you think about the stories that you tell over and over. If you think about the stories that you like to retell about your past, and those that you go out and relive… that’s you.
In all that we repeat and the stories that we tell and live, that is who we are. Are you the serious intellectual story, the dramatic story, the sublime novel… perhaps the comic book? Check inside the covers. You might be surprised at what you discover. And, I guarantee that it’s a really great story!
One of my sons is playing hockey. This comes as no surprise since he is, as many younger boys and girls in Canada are, passionate about the sport. This is his second year and he is still loving it. He seems to be quite competitive (which perhaps isn’t a huge surprise) and certainly enjoys being involved in getting goals.
Last year, he spent basically the whole year playing a forward position which allowed him to be more involved in “goal getting.” This year, however, he’s been asked to play defense as well from time to time. In the locker room the other night, one of the coaches came up to him and asked how he was doing and what he thought of playing defense. His response was non-committal. He wasn’t excited or disappointed. The coach’s response was this, “Well, you’ve got to learn to play all positions.”
What a great response but also what a great comment about our personal and professional lives as well. We do have to learn to play all “positions”. We need to have an understanding of what it takes to be in a different position. It helps us work as a team better. It helps understand what the other person needs and how they can help us.
Sport can teach us a lot about life, business and excellence. And, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a Novice or an Old-Timer.
Found some interesting notes of mine that must have been sitting around for a couple of years. They were only a few short lines on a small piece of paper but they spoke a truth that can help anyone who doesn’t know how to do something. In fact, the notes are so basic that they could be considered obvious. And, yet, I still think they are worth repeating…
Modelling — If you don’t know how to do something, ask someone who does and go out and model that.
It’s such a great truth and reminds me of another truth that I’ve heard a few times and have repeated here.
If you truly want to succeed in business (or anything for that matter), then consider what others are unwilling to do and do that.
Once we know the above, then all that’s left is to have the courage to go out and do it.
I got a mass email today, and guess what… it was actually not a myth, hoax, joke, spam, or phishing email. It was a true story that was staged by The Washington Post. It’s a great story about perceptions. Take a moment to read and then reflect on what this means for you. The following is the YouTube video, the email I received and the link to the Washington Post article:
THE EMAIL:
“Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning. A man with a violin plays six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people passed through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle-aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.
4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.
45 minutes:
The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin valued at $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the price of seats averaged $100.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities. The questions raised: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made… what else are we missing?”
Okay, I just read about something that I find fascinating. I have read research on altruistic behaviour before and the research – to my memory – basically had shown that people will exhibit altruistic behaviour in many circumstances when they had no reason to. But no one knew why!
Let’s flash forward to some research on the 7 Deadly Sins. The research was largely based on fMRI research by several groups looking at one or more of the 7 Deadly Sins. There was some interesting stuff but the most interesting thing had to do not with the Sins but to Virtue.
One researcher has found altruistic behaviour actually beats out sin in at least one area — neuro feedback. When someone does something altruistic it sends the reward-related brain areas and systems into quite a fervor. Even more than when you’re doing something selfish or related to self-interested gain.
Looks like being the good guy wins out in the end. Nice guys finish first or at least more neurologically rewarded.
Speaking of Impact is the magazine for professional speaking, events and conferences in Canada. It is published every quarter and has a lot of really great content. But, things have just gotten better. SOI, as it is known, is now online with additional content, blogging and video blogging. If you are a professional speaker, work in the events industry or just want to get some great content you need to check it out.
This is not going to come as a surprise to anyone, especially those who read my blog…. but, you can learn a lot from kids if you choose to.
I had a belief reinforced recently when I watched my kids after what had been a couple of long days. We had been packing the days a fair bit and needed to have a couple of later nights. What did this mean? Our boys were starting to get fatigued. Not fall on your face tired, just grumpy tired.
Fatigue causes performance loss. And, the worst kind is not the kind of tired where you go to work completely worn out. I’m talking about just a little tired. It can be insiduous. You don’t see how your performance changes. Or, the kind of decisions you make… or don’t make. You don’t see the subtle little changes that happen to your manner and your manners. People around you don’t know quite what it is but they don’t enjoy your company as much.
It’s very much like kids, except that they are more external and overt about it. They may get grumpy, stamp their feet, cry or even get very quiet… it’s all the same thing. They are telling us that they need more rest… and likely that we need more rest too.
I’m seeing it everywhere. Things that people shouldn’t be talking about. This is a time of economic uncertainty. People are experiencing financial pressure, job loss or perhaps a job change. Many may be experiencing a lack of direction for career, professional or personal life; others are facing an unknown future or disillusionment with their career or industry. So, this is a time when many people really see very little that is positive.
But, I’m seeing opportunity everywhere. Many of my colleagues are having their best year ever. Many colleagues who have had challenges have also created opportunities elsewhere and are moving forward with strength. Throughout the beginning of this year, so much conversation was centered around the uncertainty in the global economy, a global recession, depression or worse. Very few people were talking about opportunity.
For me, truthfully, I was ignoring most of the conversation that was going on. And, as the year goes on, I’m hearing from a lot of people who have been choosing to not participate in the negative “reality”. It’s exciting. People are realizing that now is a major time of opportunity. Whether it be corporate, professional, or personal opportunities… they are out there.
The other thing that I’m hearing a lot about is…. Renewal. People are seeing this as a good time for renewal whether for organizations or individuals. People are getting ready for new directions, new strategies, and new futures. Now may be a time of uncertainty, but it is also an amazing time for opportunity and renewal.
Just attended a convention for my profession – professional speaking. It’s a convention in the United States that I go to each year and it brings together a lot of my colleagues — 1500-2000 of us. One message that I kept hearing over and over was that the people there were going to the convention for many reasons but that for many the most important was the relationships. In fact, many said that they got as much learning from their conversations as they did from the various plenary and breakout sessions. Some were there solely for the learning and connecting that happened outside of the plenary and breakout sessions.
For many of you, this may not be a surprise, and certainly it wasn’t for me as I feel that way too. It was, however, a nice reaffirmation that learning comes in many forms and that you don’t just have to learn from books, a lecture or other more traditional ways of learning. It also reminded me that one of ways that we learn the best is when we are in a state of play! It is easy to forget that a lot of our most important learning is done before the age of 6 and certainly before the age of 12 while we are playing. And, if we were to look back at our high school and university or college days, we would agree that the professors and teachers that made the course material engaging, were the very best. These professors tended to be the ones who got the teaching awards, and, they get the simple truth that the best learning is play.
Posted by Paul Frazer 
